Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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