I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
