He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
