Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
