i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
