My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
