I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
