And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
