if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
