my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
