why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
