If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
