If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize