Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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