Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
