i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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