I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
