Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
