Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
