I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize