We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
