well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
