If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
