Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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