Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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