He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
