im holly from the hills drunk
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
