Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
