dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize