can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
