im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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