Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
