For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
