Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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