1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
