man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She bit a glass in half.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
