we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
