On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
