I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
