Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
