absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
