You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
