Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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