were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Houston, we have a squirter
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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