I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
