Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
