I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
