I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
