member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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