I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
