yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
third nipple confirmed
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
