Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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