i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
