It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
