he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
