I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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