I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize