wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
