In the future we'll all be gay
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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