What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Someone came in the potted fern
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize