I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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