im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
