so explain again why im purple
no
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
