my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
