There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
