sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
True but thats because hes a fetus.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
