we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
