just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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