I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
whose ass print is on the piano?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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