im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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