I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
