there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize