Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
