garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
