On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
