I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
